American Idle

This was the most hilarious performance out of all of them last night during the finale of American Idol 8.

And who woulda thunk that Kara would perform with Bikini Girl? I think that was the shocker of the night–and the best performance as well.

So even if Bikini Girl appears topless in Playboy, which is the rumor going around at the moment, she’ll always have her moment on the Idol stage with Kara.

You knew when she auditioned in Phoenix last summer that we were in for a treat, and we definitely got one, that’s for sure.

Also, did anyone else notice that Bikini Girl had a surgical enhancement? I think all of America did, frankly.

After the Top 13 (not the Top 12) were announced, it was time to go out and party like it was 2009. Except for all of the usual faces (you know, the ones who had earned their way into the finals) there was one, in particular, who crashed the party.

What in the hell was Bikini Girl (above photo) doing there? Was she a guest of someone? Like, maybe Simon? LOL It’s possible, and I guarantee that because we saw her last night at the post-wrap party, we have not seen the last of her.

God, no! I thought we were rid of this broad. She’s more annoying than Tatiana!! I thought Kara had a hit out on her. Just kidding. She doesn’t, but apparently I (and the rest of America) were wrong. We aren’t. She’s back.

And she looks like a damned turtle–or a mermaid, take your pick–in that shimmery green metallic getup. And look at her boobs, all mismatched like one is bigger than the other. Other than that, she’s just a hot mess, obviously someone Simon would get with.

And other than that, half of America is cheering right now, particularly those with a pulse and a penis. The other half is throwing things at their computer screen.

Bikini Girl may be down in terms of being on American Idol 8, but she says her career is just getting started. In fact, she says Playboy has given her an offer to appear in their magazine.

Whether or not that is the truth, we’ll just have to see. In the meantime Trish The Dish has a few words for Bikini Girl her all-time favorite person.

Trish The Dish: I think Bikini Girl has finally got it right! As far as a career goes, she should not be a singer! However, men seem to love young anorexic women who are willing to bare it all. Many men will admire any woman who…either looks too young to defile or who appears willing to take it off for any man. Bikini bitch is probably both! But I think Playboy may be a little bit too classy for her… Internet porn would most likely be a perfect fit for this girl!I personally don’t find Bikini Bitch to have all that great of a personality, which Playboy also brags to be on the lookout for. So she may not be going there anytime soon. However, I could be wrong. Playboy has also been known to take girls that have a social buzz in the media “just because”. LOL If the Playboy thing doesn‘t play out, she could always contact Joe Francis regarding the “Finally 18” films.

Either way, I’m sure that she’s going to enjoy her 15 minutes of fame. And believe me, it will be about 15 minutes. One thing I do know about men (when it comes to erections) is that they are almost always looking for something new. Now, obviously there have been a few exceptions to this rule. For example, Merilyn Monroe was known for sex appeal that lasted more than 15 minutes. But let’s face it… Bikini Bitch is NO Marilyn Monroe!

David Osmond may have gone home prematurely but Idol just might have a few tricks up their sleeves this year with Brent Keith Smith, Jeremy Michael Sarver and Matt Breitzke. Sarver’s an oil roughneck and Breitzke is a welder, leading one to believe that all we really need is a policeman and these guys could redo “YMCA.”

Just kidding. These guys can actually sing, so even though you may be sad that Osmond is gone (maybe forever…maybe not) you can bet your bottom dollar Smith, Sarver and Breitzke will keep things entertaining. Also not out yet is Nick Mitchell, or Norman Gentle.

So even though you may have been beside yourself after Osmond, Bikini Girl and Emily Wynne-Hughes were sent home, rest assured that these three will be bringing it every night.

Sure, you may think they had a run on rednecks on Idol this year — and frankly so did I — but the truth is the dudes can sing, so give them a chance. Then we’ll decide whether these three guys can actually do some damage.

They got about 15 seconds to sing the song they picked on the stage of the Kodak Theater in Hollywood this evening, but it was enough for some of the stronger singers to get through to tomorrow night’s Group Round.

Danny Gokey (below photo) had a great audition in Kansas City and he needed just a few seconds to cement his place in the Top 104 going into tomorrow night’s Group phase. Same with Lil Rounds (above photo), who sang Whitney’s classic “I Will Always Love You” and in that short time span, still tore the roof off the theater. Man can that girl sang! Video also above.

As for David Osmond, he had better bring the noise tomorrow or else he might be going home early. It Didn’t even look like he was trying out there. If somebody can tell me what was going on I would appreciate it. I’ve been a fan of his from day one, but his rendition was weak.

And word to the wise: do not change your song before you go up and sing it. Emily Wynne-Hughes did that and if not for some sympathetic judges — and the fact she’s basically a pro — she would have been sent packing.

Other new faces making the cut on day one of H-Wood Week were Jeremy Michael Sarver, who is a roughneck from Texas and can sing like an angel. The chances of him making it past Hell Week, though, are pretty slim. This field is loaded with talent, perhaps more than before.

Another newcomer to keep an eye on is Jackie Tohn, who is a ringer but seems to have a unique voice, a la Amanda Overmyer. And then there was Nick Mitchell, or Norman Gentle. The boy can sing, but can we please get rid of the outfit?

 And Von Smith was put on notice too, so expect more from him tomorrow.

One other good note was that Rose Flack barely survived the cut, as her group was whisked away to the next round. And Anoop Desai’s solo was shorter than most, but good enough to get through. Same with Scott McIntyre.

The first round of Hollywood Week ended tonight with 104 singers surviving to sing tomorrow night during the Group Round. We all know what a bitch that can be! Anyway, Trish The Dish presents her argument for Bikini Girl making it through the first round of Hollywood Week (Not!) — and so do I — in our latest installment of our still untitled column.

Trish The Dish: Tonight in Hollywood Simon supported the narcissistic bikini bitch… AGAIN! He believes Paula and Kara are not judging her fairly which supports her obsession with herself and the belief that the girls are merely jealous. Get real Simon! Obviously both Paula and Kara are beautiful, talented and successful women.

BJ: What was funny is when Paula and Kara accused him of wanting Bikini Girl’s phone number. LOL Now that Simon is reportedly single maybe he can hook up with Bikini Girl. But first he needs to convince Paula and Kara that Bikini Girl is worthy of being kept around. T: There is no way in hell they are jealous of this little tramp prancing around in heels and a bikini with stars on the boobs! They may however be upset that bikini bitch continues to use sex appeal to make a mockery of the competition… which by the way IS a singing competition.

BJ: Yeah, but the powers that be didn’t let Bikini Girl prance out on the stage in that top. Thank God, or else there would have been a run on those “Star bikini tops” at every Wal-Mart from here to the Equator. LOL And, is it a singing competition? It looks like a beauty contest to me.

T: Bikini bitch gets support from Simon when she states that she would have sung better had she been allowed to hear the music as she sang. Well, guess what? ALL the contestants are singing Acappella! Simon refuses to make exceptions for people all the time, but takes into account that she would prefer not to sing without the music??!!! WTF!! If you can’t sing as good as the others under the same conditions, then you don’t deserve to be here anymore, step off the stage!

BJ: But in Simon’s case she gets a reprieve, because — and only because — she has T & A, which as we all know sells, else we wouldn’t be buying Britney Spears albums.

T: P.S. Bikini Bitch! Ryan Seacrest isn’t a judge. You won’t have to sleep with him to keep getting through. The fact that you are trying to, just proves that you are a whore. But there’s good news! There are thousands of men in America who love a good whore! You might be getting votes just fine if you can just get that far off Simon’s not-so-discreet erections!

BJ: I agree about kissing Ryan. Fact is, he probably didn’t think anything of it, for reasons undisclosed. LOL Anyway, she at least had the common courtesy to put some clothes on for once (she wore a shimmery black blouse) and for that she is to be commended. (Golf clap.) Did I think she sang all that well? No. But I think her best days are over. There is no chance she’ll make it past Group Round tomorrow night. So, as far as Simon’s erections go, they will also come to a close tomorrow, no pun intended.